Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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