How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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