Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
