Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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