turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
