is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize