Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
