now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
