HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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