It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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