i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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