Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
my poor anus
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
