We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ladies don't puke and tell
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
