are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
