Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
