my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize