it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
