My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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