I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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