forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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