I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
