Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
