What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
