final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My vagina just recognized that song.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
