Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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