I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
