Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
