my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize