I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
