My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize