i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
