my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
