Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
