it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The Olympian is in my bed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
