do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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