i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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