i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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