living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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