I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
