you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
