I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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