Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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