It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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