I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
