I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
