There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
