I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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