I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
