I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
