Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
