I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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