hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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