from now on my penis is your penis
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
