Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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