I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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