So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
