shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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