We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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