he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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