You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
