Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
