Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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