i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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