At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
