Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
