I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
