"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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