Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
