The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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