At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
