The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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