I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize