She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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