standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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