i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
